this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
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another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
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It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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