If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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