could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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