i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
