i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
