i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
