I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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