I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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