I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
