I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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