god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
