I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
