i would punch a child for taco bell
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
