I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
