Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
