you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So many bounce houses so little time
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
