so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
