It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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