apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize