So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
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I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
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