take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize