Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
