she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
