i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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