I got chris browned last night
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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