Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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