Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
