I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
