just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
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I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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