Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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