The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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