her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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