just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
