yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
