I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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