well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
