Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
