Redeem this text for a blowjob
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
