Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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