My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
