She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
