think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
