drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
