im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Let's get the cat blown out
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
