The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
