Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
