I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
