hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
