i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Houston, we have a squirter
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
