woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
