You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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