Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
