I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
