your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
