it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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