So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
