bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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